Convenience and Confusion

I think I have to take back all the nice things I said about my boyfriend always being there when I need him to be. He never really is... Ever. I have a lot of trouble reaching him when I need to talk to him about anything important, when I need to vent, or on important days, whatever they might be. He makes up for it by saying nice things and being cute and whatnot, but I feel like that shouldn't dismiss the fact that he isn't there when I really need him to be...

Today, someone stole my $200 French book from my book bag. FROM MY BOOK BAG. While I was about ten, fifteen feet away in the bathroom for no more than two minutes. I came out of the bathroom to find my bag, not where I left it, and significantly lighter. I opened the bag, and, lo and behold, no book. Great. On top of that, I have to write an article over, I have a quiz due tomorrow that I haven't had the time to study for at all, and I might not get all the classes I need for next year.

Great.

All of these are solvable problems, sure, or things I could get over easily if I really tried. Which I probably will. But I really needed to vent to somebody. I tell my best friend about the book and she agreed with my sentiment. She said "time to smash some heads." That's why she's my best friend. I told my homeboy, who I dubbed my "twin," and he offered to take me out for a drink as SOON as I got home at the end of the semester. That's why he's my twin. I tell my boyfriend, and I got the old standby: "Oh no. I'm sorry. That's terrible." Yes. Yes, it is, that's why I'm coming to you to tell you. Can I get a little more comfort than that? He disappears for two hours... I usually don't bother him too much when I'm in a funk, assuming if he was concerned enough he'd come forth and offer the comfort I'm looking for. But this time I flat out said to him that I felt like shit and I needed to vent. But he was going out with his friends to get food because he didn't want to spend a ton of money on museum food. Which, apparently, means he's too busy to even let me text him about everything I was feeling shitty about.

Thanks...

So, here I sit, getting words of comfort and encouragement to go forth and whoop some ass from everyone else, and the one person I actually want it to come from is too busy eating with his friends to pay me enough attention to say more than "I'm sorry, that's terrible." Doesn't that seem a little bad? What's worse, this isn't the first time. So many times have I called, texted, tweeted, made some sort of attempt to reach out to this guy and say, hey, I need you right now, and he's busy. And by busy I mean walking around downtown with his friends or sleeping. As I always state, I'm the type of person that can give without expecting anything in return if I think the things I give are deserved. But isn't it only fair that I can at least get a little more than I've been getting when I'm quick to spend a good portion of my time trying to help you solve your problems, stay up all night on the phone whenever you want to, and do everything that's convenient for you?

Lesson of the day: it sucks just being there for someone else's convenience. It's nice to have people that have your back, but it really isn't fair to have someone around that you think is supposed to be there, and they never really are..

♥

Word of the Day

dapple [DAP-uhl] noun: a small contrasting spot or blotch